Two persons, man and woman, coming together in deep love towards each others, raising up good children who can love the world is the greatest joy and achievements all would like to have. However, what has gone wrong?? Why are there so many hearts broken, sex being misused and marriages ended up in Divorce? ...
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Most of our modern concepts were actually born only recently. Just only about 40 years ago, many young people who were born after world war two were searching for peace and happiness. They seek for love. However, the idea that love should be unconditional has also been applied on sex. Thus, it is quite sad to say that many end up agreeing with free sex and total freedom, even to the extend of having the right to ruined their own lives.
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After these few decades, and with the 'help' of new technologies, the sexual revolution in the 60's has influenced almost the whole world. The modern culture is actually a Casual Sex Culture. One that considers sex to be some stand alone event. It can by all means happen outside love, outside marriage. One hidden belief is that through sex, then the other party can commit more in love, and therefore a good marriage will follow. Here we seriously question this order. We say it should be in the reverse order: Marriage, follows by Love, and then Sex.
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First of all, sex does not equal to love. Love is unconditional, but for the love between husband and wife, it should only exist after marriage and for the person's only spouse. There are already so many tragedies happening because people's hope of a good marriage starting from sex are destroyed.
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Sex and marriage are being viewed as two seemingly different events. According to the president of the Family Research Council (US), this is the result of what children have been receiving from their surroundings a wrong message. The message that leads them to separate sex from emotional commitment. Very easily, they just feel no need for marriage in life.
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Other misconceptions by quoting the experts. Although it is true that experimentations free us from hang-ups, it also easily leads us to become addicted to the act. Sexual freedom will only means infidelity in marriages and relationships. Living together sounds so logical but yet does it work??
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Research findings show that cohabition and 'trying out' methods do not work well. Why? These people are actually increasing their commitment slowly. The problem is that even at wedding time, their commitment has not reach 100% yet. After 10 or 20 years in marriage, this commitment still has not reach 100%. Thus, when difficulties come by, divorce remains an alternative.
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Talking about divorce, it is also a new concept. Throughout history, in almost all cultures, there is no concept of divorce. However, it was unfair to the women because the men usually have the right to disown his wife but not the wife. Therefore, in the recent efforts of strving for equality between men and women, both husband and wife were given the power to terminate a marriage.
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Therefore, we can see that divorce was never any kind of solution. It is an escape from problems, and in the meantime, create more unhappiness. It is the suicide of marriage. To say there is no point carry on to make the marriage a success is like to say there is no point in carry on living since this world has so much suffering.
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In the economic sense, "free love" during the '60s is wasting many of the world's resources and causing serious problems. For the UK, it costs S$20 billian a year! In the US, there is a quarter of children growing without father!
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On the other hand, the ideals of family life are not yet lost. We can assure this with the observation that people like to watch intact marriage and famly in the TV. Especially those families that can win over the casual sex culture influences from the modern society. However, do we only want to see this in the black box? No! We of course desire our own life and family be a happy and healthy one! Then, we have to find out the difficulties in achieving it first.
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The first obstacle is Individualism. This is the fundamental agreement that everyone are self-centered, and on which the societies, nations and world are structured. This may seem natural to us who have been living in this world for many years. However, individualism is basically contradictory to marriage, parenthood and family, which are for someone else other than 'me'. Thus, it causes the hidden contradiction in people's lives: to success, need to be concern for myself; but to have marriage, be parent and setup a family is just obstructing the path to success.
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Not only that no one teaches about love, but love has been romanticised (or simplified) by the big screen. It seems that love is just that between two matchable persons. It seems that love is that easy to come into existence and at the same time be blown away in the winds. How to achieve successful marriage without proper understanding the tool, which is love??
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Last, but not least, marriage and family are not any solo project. Two persons' efforts are required. No point determining to achieve one but your partner is not interested. The obstacle here is how to find our ideal spouse by ourselves who is never qualified to do so, who is too busy with education and career paths, and no one dare to help because matching is outdated??
